May 10, 2007

Sick of Studying

Scribbled by Angelina

Yes. I'm sick. Sick of trapping myself in a world of useless knowledge. Athens, Sparta, whatever. History won't get me anywhere. They just make me bored of studying. Exams are adding stress to my life. What the HELL did I get myself into, getting into science stream... It's a big mistake. I don't belong here. I've always liked the subjects in art stream. Yet because of PMR, yes that freaking A's I got for PMR, got me into all this mess. Wrong subjects, wrong stream.

My classmates are too smart, I can't beat them. I don't want to be the first, yet I fear of getting the last. I don't want to be the worst. The fear is motivating me to study all these years, motivating me to score better. But now I'm sick of it. I'm not enjoying my life. I try not to even think about homework everyday but I suffer everyday in school. I don't get a thing the teachers are babbling about. I'm not even one bit interested. I've messed up my life. I chose the wrong path. I aimed for A's. I did not see the future.

So what if the art stream teachers suck? I can study by myself, no problem. At least it's my interest that is motivating me. Not fear. So what if I only have 8 subjects? Who cares bout quantity now? I could easily seek MCA's help to get a scholarship or even half a scholarship or whatever. Yet, I chose science stream. The FIRST CLASS of PURE science stream. A big mistake. I even took basic economy out of interest. Cool, now I have 12 subjects excluding Pendidikan Jasmani Kesihatan and 27 papers in total to sit for. I have to study for 27 papers for only 12 A's. It's not supposed to be like that. I'm not meant for this. But since I have chosen, there is no turning back. I regret very badly. Nothing can change it. I have to bear 2 more years of suffering.

History test is tomorrow. I haven't read about a thing yet, so yeah, I'm gonna fail it, unless a miracle happens. It's not that I don't mind, but I just can't take it.

Stressed, confused, regretting.

~ Angelina