I admit that I have problems with controlling my anger. I flare up easily. What I don't understand is why it only happens at home. I feel happy with my friends. We laugh and joke and have all the fun. However, this doesn't happen at home. A simple sentence from my mum would trigger my "anger hormones" and make my tears flow. Why?
Great. Now she thinks I despise her.
I did some reading about anger management and one of the tactics is to "print a picture of that person and destroy that any way you like". But I can't. That's because:
Fact 1: I love my mum.I really don't know how to communicate with my mum anymore, so I guess I'll just blog out my hatred and forget about it.
Fact 2: She doesn't know that.
I hate the way she hijacks conversations, especially when I'm sharing my thoughts or experiences, she would interrupt and continues the rest with her "you should..." speech. She loves to be heard, yet she doesn't listen.
I hate how she did not talk to me and totally cut me off of any socialization for two months, about two years ago. It was mental torture during that period. She screamed and slammed the doors almost daily. I didn't notice any changes in me at first, until my friends asked me about it, and I began to think back and realise the changes. I guess it was too late? Funny how two months can change a person's personality.
I hate the fact that she keeps telling people how smart I am, and that I don't even need tuition to score the straight A's. She doesn't even know when I had exams when I was still in primary school, despite the dozens of times I informed her. And thank you VERY MUCH for that -_-
I hate it when she's being a "know-it-all". Don't think that you know me or anything about me that well, cause the truth is you don't. And stop lecturing me about my attitude. I'm the way I am and people love me. Oh yes, a person with such a bad attitude like me have a lot of friends :) Got my point?
I hate the fact when she takes jokes seriously. For God's sake, it's just a fucking joke. Have a sense of humour and stop saying that my style of talking provokes people's anger. My friends and even not-so-close friends accepts them with a smile and a nice little debate we all enjoy. Fact is, you're outdated.
I hate the times when she is being a show-off. Don't go out telling people how well I fare in my exams. If they are interested, they will ask you themselves. And the truth is I don't score well. I'm nothing to be proud of. I'm a worthless piece of junk. So sorry to disappoint you.
I hate it when she makes counterfactual assumptions and blames everything which is totally NOT what I meant. Shedding tears in front of me because you think I purposely made you late for work is a great example. Why would I do that on purpose? You think I want to be late for school and get a warning from the board? Look before you jump. If you say you did, look further.
Yes, a lot of hate's. But mummy, I love you for being imperfect. I love you for every other thing you have done for me. I love you for all the sacrifices you have made. I love you for giving me a little taste of happiness, anger and sadness; maybe you accidentally added a pinch too much. I love you for moulding me into how I am today.
So friends! If you love me, thank my mum.