Oct 23, 2007


Scribbled by Angelina

Ching, ching, ching! The blogger is back! Well not really, just using my blog as a place to pour my feelings again. Well, it used to be what my blog was made for at first, until I started targeting more and more readers. That was when I stopped pouring my feelings and start writing what people like to read. Those were still genuine opinions, just that I stopped getting too personal.

I wonder if hearts can go numb and stop feeling anything. I think mine just did. I realised it months ago but brushed it off. I used to get excited during outings, feel happy when I'm with friends, feel sad when I watched a sad show... But it has been long since I felt all these. I don't feel excited when I go anywhere with anyone, even on vacation. I stopped having those really happy feelings, you know, those feelings like when you're having real nice fun with your friends. I watched so many touching shows and read so many touching stories without a tingle in my heart, nor did I shed a tear. My heart just doesn't feel anything. And I don't know why.

Yet, my temper is uncontrollably bad. It can rise to the peak even at the slightest provoke. All I feel is anger, anger and more anger. It's like can't be bothered with anything anymore. I used to feel extreme sadness if I got a bad result, even with a single B or C. But now, even failing subjects couldn't affect my emotions. It's like I'm emotionless. Of course I smile around people and chat along but, I don't feel what I used to feel. In fact I don't feel human at all. I feel like an animal, with no emotions and all...

When you are sad, there's a part in your chest that hurts really bad, right? I don't feel that anymore. It's like a part of my heart has died. I don't know, cause of the past depression? My cells must be reproducing too slow and extincted -_-" I NEED HEART CELLS. Not only my heart, my brain feels dead too. I can't even solve simple mathematical questions and my Additional Mathematics has deteriorated from a 1A to a G (fail). I can't think at all. Brain dead, heart dead.

The lack of emotions make me feel that life is meaningless too, since there is no more happiness and excitement to look forward to.

Wonder what's happening -_-

~ Angelina